Generally I'm okay with opening my mind to other ideas, thoughts, and analysis. The beauty of the human race is that each of us are uniquely created and in a general sense we all look at the world a little differently. However, today I came across a blog that left me a little upset. So I thought well maybe I'm reading it the wrong way, and I shared it via Twitter. Many of my "followers" expressed distaste for the blog and so did some their "followers."
The blog title "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single & Lonely" was enough to peek my interest. And the reason I refuse to comment on the author's actual blog is because some of her responses to individuals who refute or disagree with her rubbed me the wrong way – so I'll do what I do best, rant on my own blog page (lol).
First – the reason you should be going to church is to praise, seek, fellowship, and worship God. Your main agenda should not be "I'm going to church to find a husband." And since the author claims that she does not go to church or follow "organized religion" (which is the dumbest term I’ve ever heard), I am going to assume that just maybe (just maaaybe) she didn’t know that.
Second – no REAL pastor is going to tell you that your husband that God has intended for you is going to just plop down in your lap. Just like you had to go out and market yourself to get hired to start your career – you have to market yourself to find a mate, which means having a life outside of church. That is not to say that you act holy & reserved on Sunday and drop it low every other day of the week. But God never said he didn’t want you to enjoy life (if I remember correctly – He said that we shall have life and have it more abundantly).
Third – the author cites an article from the PEW Forum on Religion & Public Life and she attempts to break down what the statistics from the article mean for black women. From reading her blog post and reading the actual article, I find it extremely hard to understand how she came up with those interpretations (yeah, Statistics & Research Methods taught me a little something, something ... lol).
Fourth – if you are lonely & single...nine times out of ten...that's your own doing. If you're foolish enough to believe that if you just pray hard enough God will give you a man when you haven’t done anything - baby girl, I hate to break the news to you but that is simply not the case. That's like believing that if you pray hard enough you'll get an A on that exam when you have not studied. Besides if you read the Bible you would know that very rarely did God just give out stuff to people who were not ready to receive it. If you're foolish enough to take the words of your pastor or any human being for that matter then honey you are just as naïve as they come.
Out of everything else in her blog she does correctly address the fact that there are not a lot of Black women who are leaders in the church – but she does not highlight the fact that their numbers are growing. However, this is NOT a unique situation in this country. She is also right when she states that it's not the building that really defines a church, it's the people and the experience. A lot of traditional (I call them "old timey") churches are all about structure and rules. Because of that, many people nowadays attend churches that follow the charismatic movement – in other words they do everything and allow many things that are not allowed/tolerated in the "old timey" churches.
The blog as a whole seems like a misguided attack against church and religion as a whole -- although the author claims that her intentions are not personal (yeah right).
As for me, when it comes to dating/marriage, I don't consider myself narrow–minded (i.e. my future husband does not have to be Black or even from this country). But the one thing I will NOT compromise is my faith. If he has never set foot in a church, read the Bible, does not pray, or believe the same as I do, then I'm sorry – he is not the one for me.
Anyway – that's the end of my rant. I browsed around to look at some of her other blogs and they all seem to echo the same tone. Now you go read the blog and tell me what you think!
Stuff Mentioned:
How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single & Lonely
A Religious Portrait of African-Americans (PEW Forum article)
2 snaps for Mia! I couldn't have said it better myself!!!!
ReplyDeleteI read her blog post & I completely agree with you. It almost sounds like she's been hurt by the church and by men & has used that pain to fuel those rants. Woman with good sense know that nothing comes easy. There's a difference between asking for God to send someone into your life & praying for a Taye Diggs to be wrapped and sent to your front door. Life is about risks and experience. Love works the same way.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. If a man has never prayed, never been to church & never plans to, he's definitely not for me. That's the same as the situation would be if a woman's pet peeve was guys who smoke; she would choose guys that don't smoke because that's her preference.
And any preacher who only says to the congregation what God moves him to say would never bash a man or woman, or anyone for that matter. The author of that blog post speaks of matters she doesn't fully understand. That's the reality. It's that simple.
Sounds like blasphemy and heresy on the author's part... the first act in humanity was the great realization that we could procreate, that aligns with finding a mate (Genesis)...from Songs of Songs...Proverbs... to Revelation... even the Great Rabbioni (Jesus) answered the teachers regarding deep questions of marriage... and all throughout the scripture it talks of blessings falling upon God-fearing husbands and wifes. Her opinions only work to remove the Lord God, His Son and His Great Spirit from the hearts and minds of those of low faith; poison in these times...
ReplyDeleteI understand your anger. I take away good points from both views tho. I disagree that black men, or pastors are TRYING to control black women via the church. In fact, the article states that men are less likely to go to church or believe in God, and here's why. Men have egos. We are less likely to submit to another man (God). Now, I know that god is not a "man," but he is portrayed as a male throughout the Word. For this reason, the church is mostly composed of females, children, and homosexual men because they have no issue submitting to god. Now, there are straight men in the church, buta lot just don't go. Women are emotionally driven, so the concept and theatrics of a church and a God are more realistic, and more appealing to a female.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I just read the ENTIRE article. I'm on my phone, so I didn't know there were 4 pages. IF women go to church to find a man, I agree that church is not the place to look. I have 4 friends who are all decent black men. Even though none have said it explicitly (except me), I'm pretty convinced that none of the 5 of us flat out believe in God. Two of them are flat out annoyed at women and their relationship with church. one comes from a home of Muslim and Christian, so he has a wholistic view of god that isn't very strong, the other doesn't ever speak about god, but doesn't have a strong faith, and I have my own views and opinions that are constantly changing. I believe the author is right on many levels, but harsh and childish on how she trivializes certain ideas and concepts. I don't know what women talk about in bathrooms, but I wouldn't recommend church to find a man, based off sheer numbers alone.
ReplyDeleteAnd not to keep posting on here lol, but I want to note that I completely disagree with the authors main point to get black women out of the church. I would never encourage anyone to leave his or her religion. Thats just out of control.
ReplyDelete