Generally I'm okay with opening my mind to other ideas, thoughts, and analysis. The beauty of the human race is that each of us are uniquely created and in a general sense we all look at the world a little differently. However, today I came across a blog that left me a little upset. So I thought well maybe I'm reading it the wrong way, and I shared it via Twitter. Many of my "followers" expressed distaste for the blog and so did some their "followers."
The blog title "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single & Lonely" was enough to peek my interest. And the reason I refuse to comment on the author's actual blog is because some of her responses to individuals who refute or disagree with her rubbed me the wrong way – so I'll do what I do best, rant on my own blog page (lol).
First – the reason you should be going to church is to praise, seek, fellowship, and worship God. Your main agenda should not be "I'm going to church to find a husband." And since the author claims that she does not go to church or follow "organized religion" (which is the dumbest term I’ve ever heard), I am going to assume that just maybe (just maaaybe) she didn’t know that.
Second – no REAL pastor is going to tell you that your husband that God has intended for you is going to just plop down in your lap. Just like you had to go out and market yourself to get hired to start your career – you have to market yourself to find a mate, which means having a life outside of church. That is not to say that you act holy & reserved on Sunday and drop it low every other day of the week. But God never said he didn’t want you to enjoy life (if I remember correctly – He said that we shall have life and have it more abundantly).
Third – the author cites an article from the PEW Forum on Religion & Public Life and she attempts to break down what the statistics from the article mean for black women. From reading her blog post and reading the actual article, I find it extremely hard to understand how she came up with those interpretations (yeah, Statistics & Research Methods taught me a little something, something ... lol).
Fourth – if you are lonely & single...nine times out of ten...that's your own doing. If you're foolish enough to believe that if you just pray hard enough God will give you a man when you haven’t done anything - baby girl, I hate to break the news to you but that is simply not the case. That's like believing that if you pray hard enough you'll get an A on that exam when you have not studied. Besides if you read the Bible you would know that very rarely did God just give out stuff to people who were not ready to receive it. If you're foolish enough to take the words of your pastor or any human being for that matter then honey you are just as naïve as they come.
Out of everything else in her blog she does correctly address the fact that there are not a lot of Black women who are leaders in the church – but she does not highlight the fact that their numbers are growing. However, this is NOT a unique situation in this country. She is also right when she states that it's not the building that really defines a church, it's the people and the experience. A lot of traditional (I call them "old timey") churches are all about structure and rules. Because of that, many people nowadays attend churches that follow the charismatic movement – in other words they do everything and allow many things that are not allowed/tolerated in the "old timey" churches.
The blog as a whole seems like a misguided attack against church and religion as a whole -- although the author claims that her intentions are not personal (yeah right).
As for me, when it comes to dating/marriage, I don't consider myself narrow–minded (i.e. my future husband does not have to be Black or even from this country). But the one thing I will NOT compromise is my faith. If he has never set foot in a church, read the Bible, does not pray, or believe the same as I do, then I'm sorry – he is not the one for me.
Anyway – that's the end of my rant. I browsed around to look at some of her other blogs and they all seem to echo the same tone. Now you go read the blog and tell me what you think!
Stuff Mentioned:
How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single & Lonely
A Religious Portrait of African-Americans (PEW Forum article)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Re: Blog
I got a comment on Facebook about my previous blogpost ("Eye for an Eye"). Blogger for some reason would not let him post the comment so I am sharing it with you all. He also has a blog in which he discussed the topic of the death penalty, specifically in St. Kitts (eye-opening story by the way). Anyway -- here's what he had to say:
Hey Mia,
I just tried to post the following comment on your blog. I was unsuccessful. Feel free not to post it if you want. Well written blog. I enjoyed reading it.
Cheers,
Richard
My comments:
Well written post. I wrote an essay my freshman year at Howard about the death penalty. It was the only paper I earned an 'A' on from Dr. Bates, who had to be the toughest English professor at HU. There is no justification for the death penalty whatsoever.
Moral: Your essay addresses this.
Economic: The cost of death row is prohibitive.
Justice: How is it justice when it takes so long. This is not justice and more than that all studies done on the subject show that the family of victims are far better off if the case is closed and life imprisonment is the sentence than if the case drags on and execution is a result. The fact that Larry King was interviewing victims relatives over 20+years after the crime illustrates this.
Deterrent: Hardly! States using the death penalty almost all have correspondingly higher crime rates than those without it. This is the best apples-to-apples comparison since comparing different countries introduces socio-economic variables to crime that cloud the comparison.
I wrote a blog about the use of the death penalty in St. Kitts last year (click here to read).It's barbaric and the blood of Ronnie Gardner is on the hands of every Utahan and maybe even every American, including me. That's what I find most problematic.
Having said this, if I had to choose a method for my own execution, without a doubt, I would choose firing squad. My second choice would be guillotine. Quick. Least painful. People criticize the Saudis for beheading people. I think it's horrific but it is probably more humane than lethal injection and definitely more humane than electrocution or the gas chamber.
At the end of the day, we as a society need to figure out what constitutes justice. In the case of Ronnie Gardner, this was not justice. It was a state-sponsored murder.
Continuing ....
Hey Tamia,
I didn't even comment on the disproportionate use of the death penalty for minorities who commited a crime against whites vis-a-vis other situations as well as for poor vis-a-vis wealthy convicts. Ronnie Gardner actually is a compelling example of this. (Look at the guy's upbringing...tough.) I was at Howard during the OJ Simpson trial. I was telling classmates for months before the verdict that he would be exonerated. People didn't buy my arguement which revolved around the premise that Amerika is first and foremost a classist society. Within each class, the society is stratefied into race/gender/etc. Had OJ been rich and white he would never have been tried aka Jean Benet-Ramsey's parents. Had he been poor and white, he would have been convicted and sentenced to life or something like that. Had he been poor and Black or Latino, he would be on death row right now. Using this, I basically thought he would get off regardless of any evidence presented in court. (While I'm not debating the merits of the OJ case, I was merely using it as an example of the classism that exists in Amerika.)
What boggles my mind is how many in minority communities, especially Black and Latino communities, (as well as poor white communities) support the death penalty. It's like a deer supporting hunting season. Huh? That's just another example of how the right-wing has succeeded in getting people to vote against their own interests in the name of religion and religious fanaticism.
I'm glad you enjoyed the blog on St. Kitts. Thanks for posting my comments.
Cheers,
Richard
...what can I say, another person after my own heart! Thanks Richard!
Hey Mia,
I just tried to post the following comment on your blog. I was unsuccessful. Feel free not to post it if you want. Well written blog. I enjoyed reading it.
Cheers,
Richard
My comments:
Well written post. I wrote an essay my freshman year at Howard about the death penalty. It was the only paper I earned an 'A' on from Dr. Bates, who had to be the toughest English professor at HU. There is no justification for the death penalty whatsoever.
Moral: Your essay addresses this.
Economic: The cost of death row is prohibitive.
Justice: How is it justice when it takes so long. This is not justice and more than that all studies done on the subject show that the family of victims are far better off if the case is closed and life imprisonment is the sentence than if the case drags on and execution is a result. The fact that Larry King was interviewing victims relatives over 20+years after the crime illustrates this.
Deterrent: Hardly! States using the death penalty almost all have correspondingly higher crime rates than those without it. This is the best apples-to-apples comparison since comparing different countries introduces socio-economic variables to crime that cloud the comparison.
I wrote a blog about the use of the death penalty in St. Kitts last year (click here to read).It's barbaric and the blood of Ronnie Gardner is on the hands of every Utahan and maybe even every American, including me. That's what I find most problematic.
Having said this, if I had to choose a method for my own execution, without a doubt, I would choose firing squad. My second choice would be guillotine. Quick. Least painful. People criticize the Saudis for beheading people. I think it's horrific but it is probably more humane than lethal injection and definitely more humane than electrocution or the gas chamber.
At the end of the day, we as a society need to figure out what constitutes justice. In the case of Ronnie Gardner, this was not justice. It was a state-sponsored murder.
Continuing ....
Hey Tamia,
I didn't even comment on the disproportionate use of the death penalty for minorities who commited a crime against whites vis-a-vis other situations as well as for poor vis-a-vis wealthy convicts. Ronnie Gardner actually is a compelling example of this. (Look at the guy's upbringing...tough.) I was at Howard during the OJ Simpson trial. I was telling classmates for months before the verdict that he would be exonerated. People didn't buy my arguement which revolved around the premise that Amerika is first and foremost a classist society. Within each class, the society is stratefied into race/gender/etc. Had OJ been rich and white he would never have been tried aka Jean Benet-Ramsey's parents. Had he been poor and white, he would have been convicted and sentenced to life or something like that. Had he been poor and Black or Latino, he would be on death row right now. Using this, I basically thought he would get off regardless of any evidence presented in court. (While I'm not debating the merits of the OJ case, I was merely using it as an example of the classism that exists in Amerika.)
What boggles my mind is how many in minority communities, especially Black and Latino communities, (as well as poor white communities) support the death penalty. It's like a deer supporting hunting season. Huh? That's just another example of how the right-wing has succeeded in getting people to vote against their own interests in the name of religion and religious fanaticism.
I'm glad you enjoyed the blog on St. Kitts. Thanks for posting my comments.
Cheers,
Richard
...what can I say, another person after my own heart! Thanks Richard!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Eye for an Eye vs. Thou Shall Not Kill
I know some of you have heard the news about the convicted murderer Ronnie Lee Gardener who was executed in Utah via a firing squad. Now without any reference to what he did, I am staunchly against the death penalty for several reasons. For people who support the death penalty, the phrase "eye for an eye" is always tossed around – so let’s start there:
Exodus 21:23-25 (KJV)
"And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe."
Many people interpret the aforementioned scripture in terms of revenge, but the intent of the law of retribution was to ensure that the punishment corresponded to the crime in order to control the punishment inflicted on the guilty one. It is important to note that this law, along with many other levitical laws (as recorded in the Old Testament) were in place BEFORE Jesus Christ. That is not to say that we are to completely disregard the Old Testament (i.e. we still follow the Ten Commandments because when God came to us as Jesus Christ in the New Testament we were instructed to keep all of His commandments), but the traditions/customs that were in place following the exodus out of bondage were no longer necessary. Jesus was sent to earth to save us from ourselves – and He loved us so much that He took the ridicule, He took the abuse, He got on the cross, He died for us, and He rose again. He paid the ultimate price so that we would not have to. From a spiritual standpoint, this is why I do NOT agree with the death penalty. In following the Ten Commandments – God said to us: "Thou shall not kill." Just because Joe Smith killed Jane Doe, does not mean any person, any state, or government has the "right" to extract punishment in the form of taking that person life (execution) as well. Just as Joe Smith will face God's judgment so will everyone else who had a part in his execution. I don’t care if Joe Smith raped 10 girls, sodomized 50 boys, and blew up an airplane. He will be judged by God & God's wrath is greater than anything that we could ever do to Joe Smith. Please don't confuse me with those idiotic Islamic & Right-Wing radicals who preach that God is vengeful because that is simply not true. However, when it is all said & done – each of us will have to stand before God and account for everything that we have done. Are we perfect? Of course not. But does that exclude us from accountability? No.
The second reason I do not agree with the death penalty is from a criminal justice theoretical standpoint it is incredibly faulty & useless. Many states ended the death penalty after various FBI & independent investigations found that there were people on death row who were innocent, convicted with false evidence, and other various unjust circumstances. Look at the state of Illinois: several death row inmates had been found wrongly accused, convicted, and sentenced – a situation which forced the then governor George Ryan to issue a moratorium on capital punishment in 2000. Punishment for crimes should deter would-be criminals and I don't think there is a soul who would argue against the fact that our prison system is not doing a good job in that area. But if deterrence is a goal: some one explain to me why do all the states that happily support the death penalty have high felony murder rates? Obviously your method isn't working. If deterrence is not the goal, doesn't that make you guilty of supporting the very same crime that the prisoner just stood trial for? What makes you better than them?
People have said "what if they kill your parents, friends, loved ones - then what?" Honestly you never know exactly how you are going to react to any situation until it happens to you. But I know one thing, I would have to have it in my heart to forgive them. The one thing that I respected about the Amish community after what happened to those little schoolgirls in Pennsylvania is that as hard as it was for them – they forgave Charles Carl Roberts IV for what he did. They weren’t quick to pass judgment and they didn't allow themselves to hold any animosity to him or his family. Was that easy? I'm sure it wasn't. But in their response to many reporters – they did it because that's what God commanded them to do.
Exodus 21:23-25 (KJV)
"And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe."
Many people interpret the aforementioned scripture in terms of revenge, but the intent of the law of retribution was to ensure that the punishment corresponded to the crime in order to control the punishment inflicted on the guilty one. It is important to note that this law, along with many other levitical laws (as recorded in the Old Testament) were in place BEFORE Jesus Christ. That is not to say that we are to completely disregard the Old Testament (i.e. we still follow the Ten Commandments because when God came to us as Jesus Christ in the New Testament we were instructed to keep all of His commandments), but the traditions/customs that were in place following the exodus out of bondage were no longer necessary. Jesus was sent to earth to save us from ourselves – and He loved us so much that He took the ridicule, He took the abuse, He got on the cross, He died for us, and He rose again. He paid the ultimate price so that we would not have to. From a spiritual standpoint, this is why I do NOT agree with the death penalty. In following the Ten Commandments – God said to us: "Thou shall not kill." Just because Joe Smith killed Jane Doe, does not mean any person, any state, or government has the "right" to extract punishment in the form of taking that person life (execution) as well. Just as Joe Smith will face God's judgment so will everyone else who had a part in his execution. I don’t care if Joe Smith raped 10 girls, sodomized 50 boys, and blew up an airplane. He will be judged by God & God's wrath is greater than anything that we could ever do to Joe Smith. Please don't confuse me with those idiotic Islamic & Right-Wing radicals who preach that God is vengeful because that is simply not true. However, when it is all said & done – each of us will have to stand before God and account for everything that we have done. Are we perfect? Of course not. But does that exclude us from accountability? No.
The second reason I do not agree with the death penalty is from a criminal justice theoretical standpoint it is incredibly faulty & useless. Many states ended the death penalty after various FBI & independent investigations found that there were people on death row who were innocent, convicted with false evidence, and other various unjust circumstances. Look at the state of Illinois: several death row inmates had been found wrongly accused, convicted, and sentenced – a situation which forced the then governor George Ryan to issue a moratorium on capital punishment in 2000. Punishment for crimes should deter would-be criminals and I don't think there is a soul who would argue against the fact that our prison system is not doing a good job in that area. But if deterrence is a goal: some one explain to me why do all the states that happily support the death penalty have high felony murder rates? Obviously your method isn't working. If deterrence is not the goal, doesn't that make you guilty of supporting the very same crime that the prisoner just stood trial for? What makes you better than them?
People have said "what if they kill your parents, friends, loved ones - then what?" Honestly you never know exactly how you are going to react to any situation until it happens to you. But I know one thing, I would have to have it in my heart to forgive them. The one thing that I respected about the Amish community after what happened to those little schoolgirls in Pennsylvania is that as hard as it was for them – they forgave Charles Carl Roberts IV for what he did. They weren’t quick to pass judgment and they didn't allow themselves to hold any animosity to him or his family. Was that easy? I'm sure it wasn't. But in their response to many reporters – they did it because that's what God commanded them to do.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
C'mon Son!
GETDAFUCKOUTTAHEREWITDATBULLSHIT
If you haven't seen any of Ed Lover's videos (*NY voice* C'mon Son!) - you really need to slap yourself & get with the program ... start here (the newest one is #14, so you'll have to backtrack to the beginning).
If you haven't seen any of Ed Lover's videos (*NY voice* C'mon Son!) - you really need to slap yourself & get with the program ... start here (the newest one is #14, so you'll have to backtrack to the beginning).
A Woman's Worth
I saw a video the other day about a woman named Sara (her real name was Saartje) Baartman. Earlier this week, I had finished reading a book entitled: "Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present" by Harriet Washington which talks the usage of Africans and African American bodies for non-therapeutic, "scientific" studies. Washington also talked about Sara and the terrible life she lived as a "caged subject" – showing off her body to Europeans who had never seen an African woman before.
If you are not aware of the history behind her life -- she was a woman from South Africa who was kidnapped from her home (the video clip said she went to Europe ... but other researchers said that she was taken not of her own free will) only to be but up on the stage to be clamored and laughed at because of how anatomical different she was from the white woman. They came up with a scientific name for her large butt, steatopygia and another scientific name for her what they considered to be an elongated labia, sinus pudoris. They believed that her large breast and elongated labia justified their reasoning that the black woman is oversexed and hypersexual. They called her Hottentot Venus and she was put on display for many many years until she died of disease. The woman narrating the video states that some people call Sara Barrtman the first video vixen...but she didn't willingly choose that profession. Sara Baartman and her story has become the icon of racial inferiority and black female sexuality for many years.
Youtube Clip Narrator: Where is black America? We are on the sidelines cheering because baby girl is no longer a resident of the ghetto. She's riding in Bentleys and Benz draped in furs and diamond and the record label just brought her a phat house. But have we forgotten, massa always kept his main ho in the big house or house of her own as long, as she opened the door when he came knocking. And he will be coming back. It's so sad. Back then we were forced to degrade ourselves to level of being some man's whore. Today we willingly degrade ourselves. We have forgotten our grandmothers pain? Her struggles to carry the burdens so we wouldn't have to? Do you hear the ancestors crying out: 'is this what we died for'!?
I write this blog because there are too many women who do not respect their bodies or know their worth. Long disrespected and un-admired by society at large, black women were not known as possessing ideal Western standards of beauty. Years ago, we were plagued by self-doubt, emotional inferiority, suffering internal conflicts about their sexuality and womanhood. By respecting and loving yourselves, you can let go of the issues, obstacles, negative people, fears, and phobias to bring the love and sensuality you desire into your life. Never permit anybody to limit or restrict you in any way. Black women now have the knowledge and vision to honor their female sexuality, while never taking sensuality and pleasure lightly. Pleasure is a gift and a blessing. It is something that should be cultivated, honored, and respected by a loving and attentive mate. Your body is a temple and you need to be extremely careful about who you allow to commune inside of it.
If you are not aware of the history behind her life -- she was a woman from South Africa who was kidnapped from her home (the video clip said she went to Europe ... but other researchers said that she was taken not of her own free will) only to be but up on the stage to be clamored and laughed at because of how anatomical different she was from the white woman. They came up with a scientific name for her large butt, steatopygia and another scientific name for her what they considered to be an elongated labia, sinus pudoris. They believed that her large breast and elongated labia justified their reasoning that the black woman is oversexed and hypersexual. They called her Hottentot Venus and she was put on display for many many years until she died of disease. The woman narrating the video states that some people call Sara Barrtman the first video vixen...but she didn't willingly choose that profession. Sara Baartman and her story has become the icon of racial inferiority and black female sexuality for many years.
Youtube Clip Narrator: Where is black America? We are on the sidelines cheering because baby girl is no longer a resident of the ghetto. She's riding in Bentleys and Benz draped in furs and diamond and the record label just brought her a phat house. But have we forgotten, massa always kept his main ho in the big house or house of her own as long, as she opened the door when he came knocking. And he will be coming back. It's so sad. Back then we were forced to degrade ourselves to level of being some man's whore. Today we willingly degrade ourselves. We have forgotten our grandmothers pain? Her struggles to carry the burdens so we wouldn't have to? Do you hear the ancestors crying out: 'is this what we died for'!?
I write this blog because there are too many women who do not respect their bodies or know their worth. Long disrespected and un-admired by society at large, black women were not known as possessing ideal Western standards of beauty. Years ago, we were plagued by self-doubt, emotional inferiority, suffering internal conflicts about their sexuality and womanhood. By respecting and loving yourselves, you can let go of the issues, obstacles, negative people, fears, and phobias to bring the love and sensuality you desire into your life. Never permit anybody to limit or restrict you in any way. Black women now have the knowledge and vision to honor their female sexuality, while never taking sensuality and pleasure lightly. Pleasure is a gift and a blessing. It is something that should be cultivated, honored, and respected by a loving and attentive mate. Your body is a temple and you need to be extremely careful about who you allow to commune inside of it.
Material & Spiritual Progress
"To make our wills obedient to good influences and to avoid evil, is to show the greatest wisdom. In order to follow this aim one must be guided by religion. Progress without religion is just like a life surrounded by unknown perils and can be compared to a body without a soul. Knowing that material and spiritual progress are essential to man, we must ceaselessly work for the equal attainment of both. Only then shall we be able to acquire that absolute inner calm so necessary to our well-being. Whenever conflict arises between material and spiritual values, the conscience plays an important role and anyone who suffers from a guilty conscience is never really free from this problem until he makes peace with himself and his conscience. Discipline of the mind is a basic ingredient of genuine morality and therefore of spiritual strength. Spiritual power is the eternal guide, in this life and the life after, for man ranks supreme among all creatures. Led forward by spiritual power, man can reach the summit destined for him by the Great Creator. Since nobody can interfere in the realm of God we should tolerate and live side by side with those of other faiths. In the mystic traditions of the different religions we have a remarkable unity of spirit. Whatever religion they may profess, they are spiritual kinsmen. While the different religions in their historic forms bind us to limited groups and militate against the development of loyalty to the world community, the mystics have already stood for the fellowship of humanity in harmony with the spirit of the mystics of ages gone by. No one should question the faith of others, for no human being can judge of the ways of God. However wise or however mighty a person may be, he is like a ship without a rudder if he is without God. A rudderless ship is at the mercy of the waves and the wind, drifts wherever they take it and if there arises a whirlwind it is smashed against the rocks and becomes as if it has never existed. It is our firm belief that a soul without Christ is bound to meet with no better fate. The love shown by our God to mankind should constrain all of us who are followers and disciples of Christ, to do all in our power to see to it that the message of salvation is carried to those of our fellows who have not had the benefit of hearing the good news. It is our conviction that all the activities of the children of men, which are not guided by the Spirit and council of God will bear no lasting fruits; they will not be acceptable in the sight of God. It will therefore come to naught as the tower of Babel came to naught. The grace of God is Eternal. Angels in Heaven and the Creation on Earth sing His Praise . We thank the Master of the world Almighty God. Power belongs to God. May God Our Creator, the Helper and Guiding Light of us all grant you His Wisdom that you may bear fruits for His Glory."
His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I
His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I
We Used To Be Homies...
Let me share a story with you:
Jane & Brent have been close friends for several years – his parents adore her, her parents respect him. They consider each other long lost siblings. They protect and stick up for each other. And if anything goes down, they always have each other’s back. Then Brent meets a girl. On the outside, the girl seems to be cool – well with the exception of one thing – she is not okay with the relationship Brent & Jane share. Jane has expressed no desire to ever have more than a friendship with Brent and everyone else knew that as well. But nevertheless, in an effort to please his girlfriend – Brent cut off ties with Jane.
The story was a rather simplified version of a commonly seen series of events. I’ve been there before. One of my male best friends started dating this trick (because that’s exactly what she is) and she told me that he was her man and not mines. So in an effort to keep his steady flow of coochie, he ditched me. Never mind the fact that we had known each other since middle school. Or forget the fact that whenever he was down & out, I was the one who had to listen to him whine, moan, complain, and eventually helped him see it through. Of course there was a time where I may have looked at him differently, but when he began dating ol' girl – I never once disrespected their relationship. So I came to the conclusion that the bit was simply insecure and envious of the fact that while she may be giving up the coochie & wearing the title of "girlfriend" – she could never really take my place in his life. Now I know that sounds petty – but admit it – if the family likes you (the friend) more than they like the girlfriend…that speaks volumes.
So to anyone reading this blog – take a hint: do NOT let anyone come between you and your friends. Because let me tell you this – not everyone will put up with you the way your good friends will. Good friends, and I mean good, true friends are HARD to come by. So if you’re dating someone and they are jealous of the bond that you share with your friends – tell that bit to either a) shut up & deal with it, or b) hit the road jack! This is not to say that you shouldn’t spend time with your new beau, but you should never hang your friends on the self & use them when you feel like - because sooner or later - people are going to get sick & tired of being treated like a clutch.
And "homie" if you're reading this...I hope she's worth it.
Jane & Brent have been close friends for several years – his parents adore her, her parents respect him. They consider each other long lost siblings. They protect and stick up for each other. And if anything goes down, they always have each other’s back. Then Brent meets a girl. On the outside, the girl seems to be cool – well with the exception of one thing – she is not okay with the relationship Brent & Jane share. Jane has expressed no desire to ever have more than a friendship with Brent and everyone else knew that as well. But nevertheless, in an effort to please his girlfriend – Brent cut off ties with Jane.
The story was a rather simplified version of a commonly seen series of events. I’ve been there before. One of my male best friends started dating this trick (because that’s exactly what she is) and she told me that he was her man and not mines. So in an effort to keep his steady flow of coochie, he ditched me. Never mind the fact that we had known each other since middle school. Or forget the fact that whenever he was down & out, I was the one who had to listen to him whine, moan, complain, and eventually helped him see it through. Of course there was a time where I may have looked at him differently, but when he began dating ol' girl – I never once disrespected their relationship. So I came to the conclusion that the bit was simply insecure and envious of the fact that while she may be giving up the coochie & wearing the title of "girlfriend" – she could never really take my place in his life. Now I know that sounds petty – but admit it – if the family likes you (the friend) more than they like the girlfriend…that speaks volumes.
So to anyone reading this blog – take a hint: do NOT let anyone come between you and your friends. Because let me tell you this – not everyone will put up with you the way your good friends will. Good friends, and I mean good, true friends are HARD to come by. So if you’re dating someone and they are jealous of the bond that you share with your friends – tell that bit to either a) shut up & deal with it, or b) hit the road jack! This is not to say that you shouldn’t spend time with your new beau, but you should never hang your friends on the self & use them when you feel like - because sooner or later - people are going to get sick & tired of being treated like a clutch.
And "homie" if you're reading this...I hope she's worth it.
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