Church Keeps Me Single...Apparently

Generally I'm okay with opening my mind to other ideas, thoughts, and analysis. The beauty of the human race is that each of us are uniquely created and in a general sense we all look at the world a little differently. However, today I came across a blog that left me a little upset. So I thought well maybe I'm reading it the wrong way, and I shared it via Twitter. Many of my "followers" expressed distaste for the blog and so did some their "followers."

The blog title "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single & Lonely" was enough to peek my interest. And the reason I refuse to comment on the author's actual blog is because some of her responses to individuals who refute or disagree with her rubbed me the wrong way – so I'll do what I do best, rant on my own blog page (lol).

First – the reason you should be going to church is to praise, seek, fellowship, and worship God. Your main agenda should not be "I'm going to church to find a husband." And since the author claims that she does not go to church or follow "organized religion" (which is the dumbest term I’ve ever heard), I am going to assume that just maybe (just maaaybe) she didn’t know that.

Second – no REAL pastor is going to tell you that your husband that God has intended for you is going to just plop down in your lap. Just like you had to go out and market yourself to get hired to start your career – you have to market yourself to find a mate, which means having a life outside of church. That is not to say that you act holy & reserved on Sunday and drop it low every other day of the week. But God never said he didn’t want you to enjoy life (if I remember correctly – He said that we shall have life and have it more abundantly).

Third – the author cites an article from the PEW Forum on Religion & Public Life and she attempts to break down what the statistics from the article mean for black women. From reading her blog post and reading the actual article, I find it extremely hard to understand how she came up with those interpretations (yeah, Statistics & Research Methods taught me a little something, something ... lol).

Fourth – if you are lonely & single...nine times out of ten...that's your own doing. If you're foolish enough to believe that if you just pray hard enough God will give you a man when you haven’t done anything - baby girl, I hate to break the news to you but that is simply not the case. That's like believing that if you pray hard enough you'll get an A on that exam when you have not studied. Besides if you read the Bible you would know that very rarely did God just give out stuff to people who were not ready to receive it. If you're foolish enough to take the words of your pastor or any human being for that matter then honey you are just as naïve as they come.

Out of everything else in her blog she does correctly address the fact that there are not a lot of Black women who are leaders in the church – but she does not highlight the fact that their numbers are growing. However, this is NOT a unique situation in this country. She is also right when she states that it's not the building that really defines a church, it's the people and the experience. A lot of traditional (I call them "old timey") churches are all about structure and rules. Because of that, many people nowadays attend churches that follow the charismatic movement – in other words they do everything and allow many things that are not allowed/tolerated in the "old timey" churches.

The blog as a whole seems like a misguided attack against church and religion as a whole -- although the author claims that her intentions are not personal (yeah right).

As for me, when it comes to dating/marriage, I don't consider myself narrow–minded (i.e. my future husband does not have to be Black or even from this country). But the one thing I will NOT compromise is my faith. If he has never set foot in a church, read the Bible, does not pray, or believe the same as I do, then I'm sorry – he is not the one for me.

Anyway – that's the end of my rant. I browsed around to look at some of her other blogs and they all seem to echo the same tone. Now you go read the blog and tell me what you think!

Stuff Mentioned:
How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single & Lonely
A Religious Portrait of African-Americans (PEW Forum article)